The Value Of Friendship



I've often heard Eric mentioning casually in front of one of his good buddies John Gan that friends are meant to use each other...I know he is just joking coz John often replies him.."yeah, what are friends for man..".. Its just a joke that they share between each other..But sometimes i often ponder on the statement



I mean, what is the value of friendship? I grew up with no brothers or sisters..thus sometimes, i find it difficult to communicate with others as there often seems to be an invincible wall blocking me and others..Don't get me wrong..Its not as if I do not make an effort to try to be friends with others, but somehow...we just dont seem to "click".



Since primary school days, I prefer to mix with a smaller group of friends..preferably one to two...and not a bunch of people as I always feel...good friends should be in small numbers and thus there is no need for more...But somehow, others never felt that way...



Due to my selfishness, most of my close friends often drift apart from me when I hold back myself when I see them mixing with other friends..Its this evil part of me that wishes them to be just like me...only wanting me as their friend and not others...



I've changed alot since back then..I try to mix with as many people as I can...I often treat my friends well...I mean..I often try to give them my very best...But i often hope that they will too try to give their best to me...But somehow, sometimes...i feel that they just take me for granted...



In Uni, most of my classmates told me their first impression on me was I was very stuck up and scary...as according to them..I look fierce and rarely smile...I looked hostile to them...



Well, its kind of true..I don't make an effort that much anymore to try to make friends..I'm afraid of being let down...I often tell Eric that i'm fine with just having a few good friends (Shyan, Anna, Yee, May) although we rarely call each other, sms each other or chat with each other..But I always tell myself that its OK.....



Tonight, as I am writing this...I can't help but wonder..is it really OK? Am i really OK with just having these few good friends that I can really trust and talk to?? Am i really OK with not mixing with others?? Well, i suppose I am in doubt...



I wish I had more friends....Its true that I can't blame others for this mistake of mine..Its solely my fault...



The thing that evoked me to write this piece of post tonight is after a long grueling day at school.. I felt I am being used....oh well, I shall not dwell on it..Life in Uni is not a bed of roses...Its tough facing people who are so fake everyday...I try my best to put on a smile...To be nice to them..Well, i guess that makes me a fake too...